By my own admission, I’d hardly call the life I’ve lived – however short it’s been thus far – anything outside of bizarre. Focusing more on the light-hearted and insane things – insane by my standards – I’ve done, i thought it would be cool to share just some of the craziness i get up to.
Most of the time things just sort of happen to me and i have no control over anything, those are kinda fun too.
Jumping off moving trains:
Thing is, they asked me to.
So, while i was in high school i would commute to and from school by train. It was a fascinating experience, seriously; nothing like it must be now. So i was thirteen and a friend of mine suggested i jump off the train. I promise you, my brain barely flinched and i was out of the train and running like i was Forrest Gump. So i fell – come on, it was bound to happen. I got right back up, waited for the train to screech to a halt and i got back on. The weird part was that i found nothing wrong with that, tumble and all.
Called out by a hobo:
So a homeless man called me out and tried to hit me in broad daylight, in public i don’t care who you are, what you look like or where you’re from, being beaten up by a homeless man, in public, has to be one of the most demeaning things ever. Your self-esteem can’t survive something like that.
It was my first year at UCT and there was this one homeless man who’s a notorious liar, i might have told him that i don’t believe his story one bit and one thing lead to another. And by that i mean he screamed at my face, almost keeled over and did this grunting/growling/yelping thing that was my signal to run for it. It was a harrowing experience.
I fall for things:
I have a habit of falling. For a while it was just an old friend of mine’s issue, Nokukhanya, but after some intense self reflection i realised i have the same problem.
I once fell off the stage at prize giving in primary school and had to pick myself up act like nothing happened – you all know that look; the look that saves face but you know you’re crying on the inside.
I once slipped on a wet condom on a long flight of stairs and rolled to a halt. Thing is, it was entirely my fault; i saw it, i prepared myself mentally to avoid it, but my brain flatlined and i stepped on it. Don’t worry; it was used as a water balloon the day before for some weird upper campus residence Olympics or something. Someone tried to help out, but i snapped at him; i shouldn’t have done that. They laughed even harder because of my attitude.
I slipped on a banana. Just a month or so ago. That was by far the most demeaning thing that’s happened to me.
Little people problems:
I was almost beaten up by a little person because i accidentally bumped into her while i was in a rush. In my defence, i think she was already very angry and so decided to hit the side of my leg with one of her crutches. I was just at the wrong place and the wrong time.
I secretly skipped lectures whilst i was doing my first year and went to audition for IDOLS. It was foolish, it was rebellious and it was invigorating. I mean i never made it very far, just past the first preliminary round. My acne covered face – at the time – should have stayed at home, but i guess i needed to go renegade just this once.
I mean granted it’s not the craziest of things and some might even say that my life’s been pretty dull, but I’d beg to differ. It’s the little things that make my life interesting. So i haven’t been to rehab, taken drugs, woken up in a stranger’s bed with a dyed poodle and a mini-human petting a rooster beside me, so what!?