I recently took to the cyber-sphere and randomly, and slightly unrandomly, asked a few people if they had anything on their mind. More specifically, was there anything in particular that upset or dare i even say, angered them. The responses were colourful, not in that sense, but in the “OKay to Oh snap” scale kinda way. here are the few that really touched me.
“If i’m a mistake, if i’m broken, then I’m God’s mistake and He broke me. If my sexually is His doing then i think that He should rectify it. He should ease my pain; He should call off His legion of extremist haters and stop making me the sacrilegious lamb. His people, my people, shouldn’t want to prove their worth as His followers by nailing me to the cross. They should quit burning me at the stake love me as someone who loves Him for who He is. He should give me love; He should assign someone who was designed for me too so I won’t be alone with my misery. I’m the one who has to live with knowing that i’m His mistake, that’s torture enough. That’s why i’m angry” – Theo Yokwe, 26
“I’m angry because my boyfriend has no respect for my time. He had the gall to make me the idiot, to turn my own emotions on me and it worked for a while, because he turned me into an idiot, an idiot in love. My boyfriend lured me and charmed me and used me and now that he has me, he knows that he can disrespect me and because my time is important to me, that’s how he chooses to hurt me the most. So i’m very angry, i’m very pissed. I’m in love and i hate it. But i don’t” – Ms Anonymous, 24
“I don’t get angry. Really; I find it incredibly taxing. But what upsets me, well, just dumb people; People who say dumb, senseless shit” – Simphiwe Gumede, 16
“The wars that will never end; someone’s always going to be mad and someone’s always going to want to prove a point at the expense of other people’s lives. So that makes me really mad” – Nicole Dewar, 23
“What pisses me off are people who sneeze with their mouths open. Close your damn mouths and think about the people that don’t want to catch your friggen flu. It’s disgusting, they’re disgusting and they should feel bad about themselves” ¬– Matthew James, 26
“My brother is a douche” – Mr Anonymous, 22
“The fact that we have so much to say, so many ways to say it, but nobody to say it to. Nobody listens anymore. And unnecessary human suffering; whether through ridicule, through torture, through not receiving basic needs or feeling unwanted, that really upsets me” – Andile Shabangu, 23
“When people look at me, they see a terrorist. They can’t even see my face, they can’t see me past what i’m wearing. I’m proud of my tradition and my garments, but people hate me and they don’t even know my name” – Tamara Billah, 24
“I get angry when people use God to do the very evil they always wanted to do. Those aren’t Godly men or people, those are just men and women who don’t know who and what God is” – Raees Naicker, 28
I have this cloud.
It’s invisible, but it’s not. Its visibility’s dictated by its actions; it pours over me, it reigns over my moods, moving my emotions with each exhale.
I don’t understand where or when this cloud came into being, I just know that it’s there. Sometimes I’m scared of it. Sometimes I’m terrified of what it’s capable of. I’ve heard tales, stories and legends that predate my understanding, all warning me of its wrath, of its power and its awesomeness, and so because of that, because of my fear I can’t forget that I have this damn cloud over my head.
I talk to it you know; the cloud.
Sometimes it feels like it hears me; it answers me and loves me. Sometimes it feels like it doesn’t exist…I shouldn’t say that. But it’s true, sometimes it feels like it doesn’t exist; when it doesn’t listen to me, especially when I don’t hear it saying anything, when I don’t feel it moving above me anymore.
But when I feel it, sometimes I hate it. I’m angry at how it rains over me. How it pours over me; sealing the warm within me and extinguishing it slowly and painstakingly and just when I think I can’t take anymore, it relents.
Sometimes i don’t know if i love the cloud because it stops the rain from time to time, because it allows me that little bit of freedom and i think that that’s love, or because i always know it’s there.
Knowing that something’s there, it feels good. It would be great to touch it, hold it, cry in its shoulders and feel that love, but that cloud’s always just…above me.
Maybe knowing that this cloud has endured just as much as I have, has walked with me from the day I was born, has shielded me from far worse storms and has shown me the right amount to sunshine to inspire me, maybe that’s enough.
But you should know.
I have this cloud.
It’s invisible, but it’s there. You can see it if you look hard enough, if you look up; above you.