I’m very bad at internetting

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I’m very bad at internetting.

I’m not sure how politically correct that term is, but it sums up my feelings and my “techno-existential” crisis.

I keep using words that are made up, but they’re the most accurate way of explaining myself; they’re perfect because like my efforts to use and engage in all things social media, they probably shouldn’t even happen.

I get it, we live in a highly computerised society where interactions are guided by bytes and megabytes and the art of communication has evolved as rapidly as radioactive fish that do more than just swim. I understand and support the rapid growth technology offers not only within industry, but within our personal lives as well.

At the click of a button you’re able to reconnect with long lost friends, you’re able to share moments with loved ones who are continents away and that’s all such a beautiful thing.

I love it. But I also hate it.

Now I’m no dinosaur; I know my way around a laptop, a smartphone, tablet and whatever else you throw my way that vibrates, beeps of makes whatever sound these new gadgets make, but what I can’t wrap my heard around is how to make the internet, social media to be specific, work for me.

I’m really bad at it.

I once had a facebook profile, I say “once had” because I no longer have one, mainly because I didn’t know what to do with it anymore.

This idea that we’re meant to live our private lives publically was and still is too big of a concept for my little brain to wrap itself around.

There was also the idea that for most of my time on these social media sites, it felt as though I was shouting in the dark more than I was actually socialising. It’s weird; you have these large communities of people, all interconnected and all in the same space…the internet, and yet I’d still find a way to not have a decent, honest and real conversation with another human person.

It was post after post of just musing out loud without a soul to interact with, I was social-media-ing without the social part of it all, I felt duped. Wasn’t it part of the “social-media contract” that there’d be…I don’t know…virtual interaction with other humans?

It took me a minute to understand that everyone is so busy saying things, posting things, screaming into the darkness, that they didn’t have time or the ability to interact in a meaningful way. Now I say this based on my own pathetic experiences with social media, keeping in mind that there are pockets of actual successful social media engagements and communities of online folks who share and respond to one another’s posts and are fortunate enough to get something out of this internet thing.

But for me, personally, it’s been pretty dismal. It could be that my love-hate relationship with social media is impeding on my ability to thrive on either twitter, Instagram or whatever else is out there. By nature, I’m a bit of a recluse, I enjoy my quiet times and I’m at my best within my thoughts, so I get how the social aspect of these sites could pose a problem for an already socially inept person such as myself.

However, the more I observe, the more antisocial social-media appears to be. I understand the irony of my bringing this issue to the fore when in fact blogging is a subculture within the social media “society”, but I’m not super successful in theses here streets either.

This is probably a problem I may never resolve, or something might click and turn into this social media beast who’s as charming online as I am in my secret dreams.

Until then, I guess I can appreciate the internet for what It can be; a space for creators, a hub of knowledge, a vast wealth of resource and a glimpse into what it is we can be, where we could go and how much more antisocial we could be…

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