The words have always been there. The emotions bubbled and boiled like unkind rapids while i remained mute…i could have chosen it.
My absence was and is like a wound, festering, omnipresent sans its actual appearance. Just because you don’t see, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, and by God did this wound ever exist.
I had a great deal to say, share and vent…i still have a lot to give, i just had my hands tied.
Not to say the conditions have changed, only that the zip ties have been seen, acknowledged and are currently being worked on.
In this time away from everything, i had an opportunity to try and understand what it is i wanted to accomplish with everything; this blog, my writing, my life in general. I’m not experiencing an existential crisis or anything…or at least i don’t think i am.
Point is, an important amount of soul searching went on and an equally as important amount of internal dialoguing occurred with regards to understanding the importance of voice, posturing and honesty as well as purpose when it comes to the many things we do.
Specifically, when it comes to my attempts at being something and someone and affecting (no matter how minute) an indelible change in the world, or at the very least the way we see one another, the way we interact and influence one another as people.
I want to be everything and nothing, for you…if that makes sense. I want to inspire, inform, work with and excite you. But i also want to be the masked vigilante that opts for covert acts of encouragement, change and inspiration, because it’s not about me.
I guess that’s what i struggled with the most for a while. It’s hoping to
teeter successfully (wrong word)…it’s hoping to find a balance between wanting to be a source of inspiration and not wanting it to be about me.
So, here i am.
My absence has brought with it a few revelations, many of which personal, but just as many truly helpful in reaching my goals.
So my wish, for now at least, is that the words come easy. I wish for the emotions to flow, the messages to be pure, unbiased (in the sense that they aim to elevate my own personal/selfish intentions) and i wish for this to be a forum of truth, honesty and strength for those who might need it.
We live in trying times, we’ve inherited illnesses, wars, prejudiced dogma and the kind of hate that would still waters and rob the earth.
Our bloodlines remain challenged. Our memories break our hearts and our voices continue to be louder, but our words remain meaningless.
So trust me with your minds and thoughts and i promise to give you the kind of words that we (myself included) need.