You’re never alone

“Everyday’s a new fantasy; how will i kill myself today? How can i make it easier, less painful, less embarrassing, less humiliating, less inhumane?”

“Everyday’s the same bull; laughing at the same jokes, wanting to laugh at the same jokes at least, looking in the same mirror and seeing the same face, wanting to cry but not wanting to give up so early in the morning, so you close yourself off and you pretend to make it work.”

“You do a lot of pretending, i find.”

“Getting out of bed is a blessing, the stars aligned in a galaxy far away and the promise of mediocrity lulls you into a decent enough, placate state of being where you have just enough strength to pull the covers back and to take that dreaded step out of bed.”

“It doesn’t even feel like you’ve won something once you’ve managed to walk that long, short, distance to the bathroom. It just feels like you’ve walked right into a trap; where everything and everyone is against you. It feels like you’ve chosen to lose, because at the end of the day, you would have lost at something. It could be you trying to smile that day, maybe trying to speak up, maybe trying to not think of the worst case scenario or maybe…point is, you would have lost. That’s worse, that’s when you know you should have stayed in bed”

“Nobody’s here. Nobody sees or hears the things you need them to see or hear. Nobody’s here”

“You can’t tell anyone though”

“Why would they believe you? I mean what’s there to believe; that you’re sad? Everyone gets sad from time to time, haven’t you heard? You’re not special, your illness isn’t special. Your “Illness” isn’t even an illness; it’s just you needing to get over whatever has you down and move forward. Grow some…you know”

“So i just say nothing, like i’ve been saying nothing for the past five years.”

“They wouldn’t understand, they haven’t understood. The signs are all there, they’ve always been there and they know it. They just won’t bother trying to see them or even acknowledge them”

“I’ve become so good at being fine that sometimes i even believe myself. I manage a laugh or two on those days, but then i remember, and then it hurts again, then i’m empty again”

“I don’t know how i do it? I don’t drink, i don’t smoke, i’m not into drugs, i’m not violent…maybe that’s why “i’m not depressed”. Maybe if i acted out a little more, they’d finally understand that i have a problem, i have a very big problem”

“I’m just tired”

“I’m always tired”

“I wonder how tomorrow will be”

For support:

Turn2me

mobieg

and many more…

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s