I have this cloud.
It’s invisible, but it’s not. Its visibility’s dictated by its actions; it pours over me, it reigns over my moods, moving my emotions with each exhale.
I don’t understand where or when this cloud came into being, I just know that it’s there. Sometimes I’m scared of it. Sometimes I’m terrified of what it’s capable of. I’ve heard tales, stories and legends that predate my understanding, all warning me of its wrath, of its power and its awesomeness, and so because of that, because of my fear I can’t forget that I have this damn cloud over my head.
I talk to it you know; the cloud.
Sometimes it feels like it hears me; it answers me and loves me. Sometimes it feels like it doesn’t exist…I shouldn’t say that. But it’s true, sometimes it feels like it doesn’t exist; when it doesn’t listen to me, especially when I don’t hear it saying anything, when I don’t feel it moving above me anymore.
But when I feel it, sometimes I hate it. I’m angry at how it rains over me. How it pours over me; sealing the warm within me and extinguishing it slowly and painstakingly and just when I think I can’t take anymore, it relents.
Sometimes i don’t know if i love the cloud because it stops the rain from time to time, because it allows me that little bit of freedom and i think that that’s love, or because i always know it’s there.
Knowing that something’s there, it feels good. It would be great to touch it, hold it, cry in its shoulders and feel that love, but that cloud’s always just…above me.
Maybe knowing that this cloud has endured just as much as I have, has walked with me from the day I was born, has shielded me from far worse storms and has shown me the right amount to sunshine to inspire me, maybe that’s enough.
But you should know.
I have this cloud.
It’s invisible, but it’s there. You can see it if you look hard enough, if you look up; above you.