Honesty hour: church edition

Disclaimer: Don’t catch feelings.
This could very well be about you, if you’re touched by any of this then i suggest you search within yourself and find out what’s wrong.
If you’re offended, i’m sorry.

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The fainters: imagine if we just left them there; while they foamed at the mouth amidst their feverish extravaganzas and a biblical chorus of “Take me Lawd”, “FIYAAA” and the ever so thrilling “AHDJIHSDHUBDHFJKBD!”

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The “Gospel Gangster”, “Sister Sunday shade”, “Pew pulveriser”: this business of you using Sunday testimony to throw shade at the rest of the congregation is not playing nice. Maybe the problem is with us; we’ve perpetuated this culture, perhaps we should pray for you and not with you. Yes, perhaps.

Twerkers

The Twerkers: an almost pious sense of indignity melds itself onto your street-suave gait when you partake in such acts. Sure, using the Holy Spirit as an excuse to twerk in church could be mildly seen as ridiculous, others might feel differently; you could just be misunderstood.

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The wailing children: we admire your consistency and your fighter’s spirit amidst the rising tide of “SHUSHES” and throat clearings. In other, unrelated, news; stats reveal that pharmacists experience record-breaking turnovers for painkillers and headache tablets on Sundays…

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The Sunday Christians: i have no shade to throw your way because believe you me, waking up is hard enough; sometimes i just need a hug and a comforting “well done” after i’ve braved the world outside my bedroom, let alone going to church.

Church is a treasure-trove of inspiring personalities and impressive testimonies so jokes aside, whether it’s temple, mosque or your bedroom; believing in something is half the battle won. How you win the other half is completely up to you…

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